Picking the Right Daddy

You really don’t know when you are dating, engaged or even married that the man you chose will end up becoming a good daddy.  Sure, you can see them with other children; nieces and nephews or friend’s kids.  Sure you know their demeanor, their values, and their attitude and think you will have a pretty good understanding of what type of father they will be.  But the truth is – you don’t really know until you are there.  I remember watching a birth story on television, and this couple just had their baby.  The father was a rather large muscular man.  Looked tough as steel, like he could have broken me in half with one snap.  By no means did he portray a warm, loving man.  In fact, he was quite scary looking. When his son was born, the man melted and cried hysterically like a baby.  His mom and sister who were also in the room were speechless.  Here is this man, who they never even saw cry before, with a river running down his face at the mere sight of his son.  I couldn’t help but cry, and what was amazing was to witness the mother watching her husband’s reaction.   She was in utter disbelief and you can see the sense of worry escape her body as she realized she picked the right daddy.

Carter and I dated 4 years before we were engaged, engaged 2 years before we got married and married 3 years before we got pregnant.  Even after all that time, I still wasn’t really sure what type of daddy Carter was going to be.  The truth is children change you.  They really change you. 

Mason’s birth was the happiest and saddest day of my husband’s life.  The very day his son was born, Carter lost his best friend Chad in a car accident.  That day was a whirlwind of emotions for both him and I.  The day we were released from the hospital was the day of Chad’s funeral.  Carter gave his eulogy that morning, while Mason and I hung tight in the hospital waiting for the funeral to be over so daddy could pick us up.  A few months ago, Carter and I were looking at our hospital pictures reminiscing on Mason’s birth, and Carter looked at our going home pictures and said, “I will always remember that was the same day I buried Chad because in all our pictures I am wearing a suit and tie.”  My heart breaks for him because he will always look back on that day and even though it’s the best day of his life, it was also the worst.

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The moment I knew Carter was going to be a hands-on daddy was when he insisted on changing Mason’s  first diaper.  Although he may not want to admit it now, he did.  I even have a picture to prove it.  Carter has always been very helpful around the house.  The cleaning was usually divided, he did the downstairs and I did the upstairs (until we finally got a maid which is the best $75 I have ever spent).  He does all the outside work and I do the laundry.  Carter does just as many meals and baths for Mason as I do.  We are a very 50-50 household which is fair since we both have full time jobs outside of the house.  Some days he does more and some days I do more.  Some days, I need to just veg out on the couch and he lets me.  Some days he’ll cook dinner, clean up after and give Mason a bath so I can have some me time and vice versa.  For this, I am utterly grateful that I picked such a helpful husband.

Carter will be the first to tell you, the first six months of bonding with your baby is not easy for the man.  I breastfed Mason until he was one, so there wasn’t a whole lot Carter could do, especially those early months.  Sure as Mason got older, Carter would feed him pumped milk from a bottle, and as he became more mobile, Carter was right there with him, making faces and playing with toys.  Each month I could see their bond grow, but I never had a doubt of the love Carter had for Mason.  Just by watching Carter hold and look at Mason, there is no doubt of the incredible, unconditional love Carter has for Mason. 

A few months ago, late at night we heard a story from our good friends about a couple who had been trying to conceive for years and they were finally able to adopt a baby.  After only a couple of months with their new bundle of joy, the baby passed from SIDS.  The moment Carter heard the story, he went into Mason’s room and woke him up so he could snuggle him.  He wouldn’t let him go.   Stories like this, which are horribly common and no stranger to the new sites, would have never affected Carter like this before.  Like I said, the truth is children change you. 

Our life, our legacy is our children.  I keep telling myself how nothing else in this world matters but them.   In 100 years, no one will remember or care where I went to school or where I worked.  No one will remember or care where I lived or what car I drove (good thing because in a few years it will be a minivan).  None of this stuff matters.  My eternity will be with them.  Nothing else in this world is coming with me.  For these reasons, I thank God every day for giving me Carter – the Right Daddy.