I had a rough week leading up to Friday, my first day back at the office. Wednesday night I was crying to the point where I was hyperventilating. I was just so distraught about going back to work and leaving Mason. I kept reassuring myself that he's with his grandparents and is in great hands. Not to mention the fact that by going to work I am actually doing Mason a great service by being able to provide for him in a different way, since we all know mommy brings home the big bucks ;) He just better get into Harvard to justify all this hard work I'm doing. LOL. In all seriousness, it's something that I have struggled with and I really go back and forth on.
Friday morning went pretty smoothly. The Mason Man was up at 4:45AM to eat, which was perfect because before Mason was in my life, I usually got up between 5 and 5:30 to get ready and out the door. We nursed, I laid him back down and then darted to get myself ready. After my shower, he started stirring in his sleep because he was congested, so I stopped getting ready, cleaned his nose out, changed him and got him ready for the day (tasks that will actually belong to Carter). I was about to head out the door at 6:20 on the dot (time which I normally leave) when I decided I needed a few extra kisses and some tissues for the road. I arrived at work (West End) at maybe 5 minutes after 7. As I pulled out of the driveway, I started to tear up, but calmly told myself to get it together and I did. The car ride was what it normally is, me silently cursing at the drivers on the road that move so slow as they pass the construction on I65 north in Franklin. We pass the same wheel loaders everyday moving dirt and for some reason, everyone has to stop and look every morning. It's quite infuriating, but it kept my mind preoccupied. As I arrive in the building I see many friendly faces, all telling me welcome back, and how I don't look like I just had a baby. All things that made me feel good ;) I then get to my desk which was beautifully decorated by my department for my birthday that just passed over the weekend. My day was jammed packed with trying to get set up all over again. Apparently, if you are gone for more than 90 days, IT pretty much blocks you from everything for security purposes. On top of all that, I had to pump three times. A new ritual that I feel will make the day fly by! I will say it was a little strange pumping in a room all by yourself in the middle of the workday, but it gave me a nice break. I really thought I would breakdown and cry once I got in there but I was distracted by checking the news feed on Facebook ;) I am blessed to work for a company that supports the working mother and provides a pumping room. I can totally see why women stop nursing when they go back to work. It's a ton of work! First, you really need a good, easy place to pump, something most companies don't provide. Also you now have to deal with bottles, lugging around the pump, finding time during your schedule to pump, dealing with milk storage, and cleaning everything, every time. Formula at this point is so much easier. But anyways, Melinda sent a ton of pictures throughout the day and kept me updated so that made things a lot easier. But I tell you, 4:00PM came and I was OUT. I rushed to get Mason and he was all smiles when I saw him. I just kissed him all over and held him. Finally after chatting with Melinda for a bit, we headed home. On the way home, I started to break down. I hadn't cried at all that day until I finally had him with me. I think I was just all worked up, trying to be strong and so busy that I finally had a good moment to myself and I was finally at ease with my little man in tow, that I just broke down. He is seriously everything in my life that is good and I can't stand being apart from him.
Next week is the ultimate test as I go for a full week. I was happy to start back on a Friday, it gave me one day to get my desk and things together before work actually starts. I am blessed to work with very supportive people who are there for me and will be a shoulder for me to cry on. I also have amazing family and friends that were really supportive leading up to Friday and the day of. I received tons of calls and messages and I appreciate everyone's kind words and prayers. It's one of those things that you don't realize how hard it will be until you get there. It's just like not knowing what true love is until you hold your child in your arms. I'm sure this next week will be hard as reality of being a working mom will set in. I just keep telling myself it will slowly get better. Baby steps.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
July 27th, 2011
I am a complete and utter basket case. Tomorrow is my last day as a stay at home mommy. Just the thought of not being with Mason during the days brings me to tears. I have a hard time talking about it, even with Carter. I need your prayers desperately to get me through this very difficult time. Labor, recovery - nothings compares to the pain I feel now for having to leave my Mason Man during the day. I know he is going to be in the BEST hands, but it still doesn't change the fact that I'll miss seeing his happy face after his morning nap and hear the "talking" that he does so well after that first nap while he's on the changing table. It doesn't change the fact that I very well may miss milestones. His first crawl, walk, word may all happen while I'm at work and I hate thinking that I'm going to miss it.
Lately, I've been pretty selfish. For a few weeks I was having someone feed him 1 bottle (of pumped milk) daily to make sure he was getting used to eating from a bottle. But this past week he hasn't gotten a bottle, even once. I've been getting all the nursing time in that I can because I know that after tomorrow it will be only morning and night when we get to nurse. For me, the hardest part about going back to work is missing those feedings. Nursing your child is the BEST feeling in the world. It's knowing that you alone provide all the nourishment and satisfaction that your child needs.
Every night when Carter gets home from work, he grabs Mason, gives him a big squeeze and then says, "Mason you grew today! You seriously got bigger" I can tell by Carter's face and tone that he hates that Mason is growing so much during the day and he's not there to be with him. I hate that it's going to be me saying the same thing when I pick him up.
Keep us in your prayers. Pray for my sanity. And pray for Carter since he will be dealing with a crazy, hormonal wife. He won't be getting any fabulous dinners either. I'm not about to spend an hour in the kitchen when I get home. It's 20 minutes or less, I'm spending all my time with the Mason Man!
Lately, I've been pretty selfish. For a few weeks I was having someone feed him 1 bottle (of pumped milk) daily to make sure he was getting used to eating from a bottle. But this past week he hasn't gotten a bottle, even once. I've been getting all the nursing time in that I can because I know that after tomorrow it will be only morning and night when we get to nurse. For me, the hardest part about going back to work is missing those feedings. Nursing your child is the BEST feeling in the world. It's knowing that you alone provide all the nourishment and satisfaction that your child needs.
Every night when Carter gets home from work, he grabs Mason, gives him a big squeeze and then says, "Mason you grew today! You seriously got bigger" I can tell by Carter's face and tone that he hates that Mason is growing so much during the day and he's not there to be with him. I hate that it's going to be me saying the same thing when I pick him up.
Keep us in your prayers. Pray for my sanity. And pray for Carter since he will be dealing with a crazy, hormonal wife. He won't be getting any fabulous dinners either. I'm not about to spend an hour in the kitchen when I get home. It's 20 minutes or less, I'm spending all my time with the Mason Man!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
July 14th, 2011
Today Mason, Daddy and I went to meet Mason's new best bud Hudson Crue Lollis and boy was he a cutie. Mason is also lucky to have another best bud that was born just three weeks ago, Hayden Christopher Plunkett. Today it got me thinking of our future and how in no time at all, myself, Pam and Ashley (the moms) will be chasing these little boys around and likely spending some crazy nights in the ER. We are very lucky to be blessed with wonderful friends and a great neighborhood of young families.
After visiting the Lollis Clan, I stopped by my office since it's right next door to Baptist Hospital. While there, a girlfriend of mine went ahead and booked the pumping room for me three times a day. I felt relieved that I have those times already booked so when I get back on the 29th I'll be ready to go, but at the same time, I am wishing I never had to walk back in the building ever again. It's so crazy how before I had Mason, and even when I was pregnant, I thought I would be ready to go back to work. If you know me at all, you know I am very career driven, but when it comes to life after Mason, he comes first, bottom line. I've ran the numbers and it's just not something we could do. We recently refinanced our home to a 15 year term and we are trying to pay it off in 10, so needless to say we are forking over some serious cash to pay off the house. But you know, the more I think about it, the more I'm really okay with going back to work. I mean my mother in law, Melinda is going to be watching him 3 out of 5 days. Plus my father in law Kermit is also retired, so he is right there with her. I could not think of two better people for Mason to be with during the day. Also I love the academy he is going to the other 2 days and his teacher is highly recommended. So really I have nothing to worry about. I'm just feeling guilty that I am not staying at home with him. I'm just hoping that after I get back to work and get in the swing of things again my feelings will subside. I did learn today that I along with 2 other people will be responsible for all US accounts for buyouts and dispositions. A job load that was once shared by 7 people is now down to 3. Needless to say, I am going to be VERY busy at work, so hopefully my mind will be preoccupied during the day and I will have few crying fits at work.
In other Mason news, he is literally growing like a weed. He has changed so much in just two weeks. He fits more comfortably in 6 month clothes and is just outgrowing his 3 month stuff. He's actually just too long now for the 3 month clothes. He rolled over for the first time yesterday. Well, almost rolled over. He flipped his legs completely over just couldn't roll past the arm. He has officially found his thumb and loves to suck suck suck. Now that he is on the rolling rhythm he prefers to be on his side rather than his back. Last night was the first night we didn't swaddle him. He woke up at 12:30 and 1:45 and then at 5. So really it wasn't that bad for his first night. I think he woke up just so he could suck his hands since he wasn't able to before. I have excepted the fact that he is a pacee baby. He loves to suck and I am not going to take that away from him. It's how he soothes himself.
I am secretly hoping he'll be ready for food at four months because I am selfishly wanting to start making his baby food. But I likely won't start him until he is closer to the 6 month mark. Breast milk alone as long as possible is best and provides such great nutrients but I know soon he is going to be hungry past the 5-6 ounces he's getting at the boob.
If you're reading this, please keep us in our prayers as I go back to work. Pray for my sanity and for Melinda and Kermit and Anna his new teacher. I know we'll all be fine. It's just going to take some time to adjust.
After visiting the Lollis Clan, I stopped by my office since it's right next door to Baptist Hospital. While there, a girlfriend of mine went ahead and booked the pumping room for me three times a day. I felt relieved that I have those times already booked so when I get back on the 29th I'll be ready to go, but at the same time, I am wishing I never had to walk back in the building ever again. It's so crazy how before I had Mason, and even when I was pregnant, I thought I would be ready to go back to work. If you know me at all, you know I am very career driven, but when it comes to life after Mason, he comes first, bottom line. I've ran the numbers and it's just not something we could do. We recently refinanced our home to a 15 year term and we are trying to pay it off in 10, so needless to say we are forking over some serious cash to pay off the house. But you know, the more I think about it, the more I'm really okay with going back to work. I mean my mother in law, Melinda is going to be watching him 3 out of 5 days. Plus my father in law Kermit is also retired, so he is right there with her. I could not think of two better people for Mason to be with during the day. Also I love the academy he is going to the other 2 days and his teacher is highly recommended. So really I have nothing to worry about. I'm just feeling guilty that I am not staying at home with him. I'm just hoping that after I get back to work and get in the swing of things again my feelings will subside. I did learn today that I along with 2 other people will be responsible for all US accounts for buyouts and dispositions. A job load that was once shared by 7 people is now down to 3. Needless to say, I am going to be VERY busy at work, so hopefully my mind will be preoccupied during the day and I will have few crying fits at work.
In other Mason news, he is literally growing like a weed. He has changed so much in just two weeks. He fits more comfortably in 6 month clothes and is just outgrowing his 3 month stuff. He's actually just too long now for the 3 month clothes. He rolled over for the first time yesterday. Well, almost rolled over. He flipped his legs completely over just couldn't roll past the arm. He has officially found his thumb and loves to suck suck suck. Now that he is on the rolling rhythm he prefers to be on his side rather than his back. Last night was the first night we didn't swaddle him. He woke up at 12:30 and 1:45 and then at 5. So really it wasn't that bad for his first night. I think he woke up just so he could suck his hands since he wasn't able to before. I have excepted the fact that he is a pacee baby. He loves to suck and I am not going to take that away from him. It's how he soothes himself.
I am secretly hoping he'll be ready for food at four months because I am selfishly wanting to start making his baby food. But I likely won't start him until he is closer to the 6 month mark. Breast milk alone as long as possible is best and provides such great nutrients but I know soon he is going to be hungry past the 5-6 ounces he's getting at the boob.
If you're reading this, please keep us in our prayers as I go back to work. Pray for my sanity and for Melinda and Kermit and Anna his new teacher. I know we'll all be fine. It's just going to take some time to adjust.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
July 12th, 2011
It seems like the calendar is flipping faster than I am wanting to keep up with. It's July 12th and I go back to work on the 29th, meaning 17 days left with the Mason man. Where has the time gone?!
The past 3 weeks have been jammed packed. The last week in June we went for our annual Destin vacation. This year was actually the most relaxing Destin trip to date. Funny considering I had a two month old in tow. You would think it would have been the opposite. This year it was just my parents and my sister Chrissy, her husband Chris and my 5 year old niece Sofia. We chilled all week, sleeping in late, heading to the beach and pool during the day and relaxing at night with a couple of drinks here and there. Mason was an amazing baby. He slept at the beach, took a few dips in the ocean and pool and slept perfectly. It's funny because the Toungette's were always the last to wake up in the morning. Who would have thought it? The most difficult part of traveling with a newborn was having to stop and nurse during the car ride down. It probably added an extra 1-2 hours to our travel time. The only other difficult time I had was having to use the cover to nurse him at the beach and pool. It was pretty hot and Mason was a bit hot under the cover. We bought a battery powered fan that had a water bottle attached that we filled with ice cold water. So while I was nursing, daddy would spray and fan us under the cover. It worked out pretty well.
This past weekend my best friend of over 20 years, Robin came to visit with her husband Jere and their 10 month old daughter Reese. The last time I saw them was when Reese was only 6 weeks old and now she's a walking, jabber jaws, 10 month old. It gave me great insight into what the future holds for us! It was a quick weekend visit but I am so glad they came and I got to see Reese again and they could meet Mason before he gets older. It was a relaxing weekend. We hung out at our house and spent Sunday at my parent's house out by the pool.
Mason is growing like a weed. When he starts doing something new it's as though a light bulb goes off and he's a pro. He has such a great awareness of his surroundings. He follows us walk around the room with his eyes and loves to play with his toys. He loves his ocean and grabbing the toys that hang. He is this.close to turning over and lifts his head off the ground with great strength. Sometimes it looks like he is even trying to crawl while he's doing tummy time. Everyday he's moving and playing better than the day before.
To prepare myself for going back to work, daddy has been feeding Mason a bottle of pumped milk for his dinner time feeding. I have to admit it's a little sad to miss these feedings. Nursing is our special time together and it has created this amazing bond. I urge any new mother to try their hardest to not give up on breastfeeding. The first 6 weeks are so very tough and frustrating and it's so easy to want to quit. But once you pass that 6 week mark it becomes so easy and it's an amazing feeling to be able to provide all the nutrients to your child. While researching proper breast milk storage instructions in the book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League International, I came across the following story and couldn't help myself from just laughing and smiling because I now understand and know the feeling.
"When I was pregnant the first time, I made up my mind to breastfeed for six months. But by the time David was six months old, everything was going so smoothly that it seemed a pity to quit-and I didn't want to have to go out and buy formula. Maybe I'd keep going for another three months. At nine months, he was enthusiastically eating solids but still nursing quite often, and again weaning seemed like more trouble than it was worth. When I found out that I was pregnant again, I thought "Well, I'll have to wean now." My doctor reassured me that it wasn't necessary and I was so tired during early pregnancy that continuing to breastfeed just seemed easier. After the new baby was born, I was too busy to contemplate weaning and I was glad I still had this easy way to soothe and comfort David. But when he was about two and a half, he began to lose interest. His favorite nursing had always been first thing in the morning. One warm summer day, he woke up and started to nurse, then let go and asked, pointing to my breast, "Can you make juice?" "No" I said. Clearly disappointed, he climbed down from the bed and led me downstairs to pour him a cold cup of juice. That was the beginning of the end of our nursing relationship." Ann, Remembering 1977
Although I'm confident I won't go past the one year mark, I can very much sympathize with Ann. The morning and the night time feedings are going to be the hardest to wean and I am just glad that we still have a long time before that has to happen. The truth about nursing is that it's just as hard for the mother to wean as it is for the baby.
The past 3 weeks have been jammed packed. The last week in June we went for our annual Destin vacation. This year was actually the most relaxing Destin trip to date. Funny considering I had a two month old in tow. You would think it would have been the opposite. This year it was just my parents and my sister Chrissy, her husband Chris and my 5 year old niece Sofia. We chilled all week, sleeping in late, heading to the beach and pool during the day and relaxing at night with a couple of drinks here and there. Mason was an amazing baby. He slept at the beach, took a few dips in the ocean and pool and slept perfectly. It's funny because the Toungette's were always the last to wake up in the morning. Who would have thought it? The most difficult part of traveling with a newborn was having to stop and nurse during the car ride down. It probably added an extra 1-2 hours to our travel time. The only other difficult time I had was having to use the cover to nurse him at the beach and pool. It was pretty hot and Mason was a bit hot under the cover. We bought a battery powered fan that had a water bottle attached that we filled with ice cold water. So while I was nursing, daddy would spray and fan us under the cover. It worked out pretty well.
This past weekend my best friend of over 20 years, Robin came to visit with her husband Jere and their 10 month old daughter Reese. The last time I saw them was when Reese was only 6 weeks old and now she's a walking, jabber jaws, 10 month old. It gave me great insight into what the future holds for us! It was a quick weekend visit but I am so glad they came and I got to see Reese again and they could meet Mason before he gets older. It was a relaxing weekend. We hung out at our house and spent Sunday at my parent's house out by the pool.
Mason is growing like a weed. When he starts doing something new it's as though a light bulb goes off and he's a pro. He has such a great awareness of his surroundings. He follows us walk around the room with his eyes and loves to play with his toys. He loves his ocean and grabbing the toys that hang. He is this.close to turning over and lifts his head off the ground with great strength. Sometimes it looks like he is even trying to crawl while he's doing tummy time. Everyday he's moving and playing better than the day before.
To prepare myself for going back to work, daddy has been feeding Mason a bottle of pumped milk for his dinner time feeding. I have to admit it's a little sad to miss these feedings. Nursing is our special time together and it has created this amazing bond. I urge any new mother to try their hardest to not give up on breastfeeding. The first 6 weeks are so very tough and frustrating and it's so easy to want to quit. But once you pass that 6 week mark it becomes so easy and it's an amazing feeling to be able to provide all the nutrients to your child. While researching proper breast milk storage instructions in the book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League International, I came across the following story and couldn't help myself from just laughing and smiling because I now understand and know the feeling.
"When I was pregnant the first time, I made up my mind to breastfeed for six months. But by the time David was six months old, everything was going so smoothly that it seemed a pity to quit-and I didn't want to have to go out and buy formula. Maybe I'd keep going for another three months. At nine months, he was enthusiastically eating solids but still nursing quite often, and again weaning seemed like more trouble than it was worth. When I found out that I was pregnant again, I thought "Well, I'll have to wean now." My doctor reassured me that it wasn't necessary and I was so tired during early pregnancy that continuing to breastfeed just seemed easier. After the new baby was born, I was too busy to contemplate weaning and I was glad I still had this easy way to soothe and comfort David. But when he was about two and a half, he began to lose interest. His favorite nursing had always been first thing in the morning. One warm summer day, he woke up and started to nurse, then let go and asked, pointing to my breast, "Can you make juice?" "No" I said. Clearly disappointed, he climbed down from the bed and led me downstairs to pour him a cold cup of juice. That was the beginning of the end of our nursing relationship." Ann, Remembering 1977
Although I'm confident I won't go past the one year mark, I can very much sympathize with Ann. The morning and the night time feedings are going to be the hardest to wean and I am just glad that we still have a long time before that has to happen. The truth about nursing is that it's just as hard for the mother to wean as it is for the baby.
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