I am a complete and utter basket case. Tomorrow is my last day as a stay at home mommy. Just the thought of not being with Mason during the days brings me to tears. I have a hard time talking about it, even with Carter. I need your prayers desperately to get me through this very difficult time. Labor, recovery - nothings compares to the pain I feel now for having to leave my Mason Man during the day. I know he is going to be in the BEST hands, but it still doesn't change the fact that I'll miss seeing his happy face after his morning nap and hear the "talking" that he does so well after that first nap while he's on the changing table. It doesn't change the fact that I very well may miss milestones. His first crawl, walk, word may all happen while I'm at work and I hate thinking that I'm going to miss it.
Lately, I've been pretty selfish. For a few weeks I was having someone feed him 1 bottle (of pumped milk) daily to make sure he was getting used to eating from a bottle. But this past week he hasn't gotten a bottle, even once. I've been getting all the nursing time in that I can because I know that after tomorrow it will be only morning and night when we get to nurse. For me, the hardest part about going back to work is missing those feedings. Nursing your child is the BEST feeling in the world. It's knowing that you alone provide all the nourishment and satisfaction that your child needs.
Every night when Carter gets home from work, he grabs Mason, gives him a big squeeze and then says, "Mason you grew today! You seriously got bigger" I can tell by Carter's face and tone that he hates that Mason is growing so much during the day and he's not there to be with him. I hate that it's going to be me saying the same thing when I pick him up.
Keep us in your prayers. Pray for my sanity. And pray for Carter since he will be dealing with a crazy, hormonal wife. He won't be getting any fabulous dinners either. I'm not about to spend an hour in the kitchen when I get home. It's 20 minutes or less, I'm spending all my time with the Mason Man!
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